His Word, My Secret

For several months there was a song on my mind that I could not remember the name or even the words, though I knew that it spoke directly about my spiritual and heart condition. One day at work I remembered it and it was the song written by Lanny Wolfe called, Jesus be the Lord of All.

Jesus Be Lord of All
In my heart are kingdoms of a world that's all my own
Kingdoms that are only seen by muself and God alone
In the past when I tried to ruler my world
It just seemed to fall apart
So Jesus be the Lord of all the kingdoms of my heart

Jesus be the Lord of all, Jesus be Lord of all
Jesus be the Lord of all the kingdoms of my heart

I guess I only fooled myself for I said I'd yielded all
But in a secret corner of my heart was a kingdom that did not fall
I surrender now, make my heart Your throne
Lord rule its kingdoms, great and small
For if You're not Lord of everything then You're not Lord at all

There are/were things in my life and heart that I just pretended weren't there or that they weren't really problems. I tried to work on being the better person that I knew God was calling me to be but pretended that I wasn't holding on to the ugliness that I hid in my heart. I acted like I didn't have a problem with intolerance because I would just avoid people that I knew were going to annoy me. Do I have a problem with forgiveness? I would say no and use the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I would tell you that I wasn't unforgiving but rather self-preserving. The secret kingdoms weren't just heart issues. There were kingdoms in the physical that I just could not bring myself to surrender. Even as I would know that God sees and knows everything about us, I couldn't truly surrender and say, "God, I need your help to overcome this. I know that this not pleasing to you and does not display your character. Please show me how to be the person that you need me to be - in word and in deed." These kingdoms weren't so much secret as a thing that just wasn't talked about. That night as God poured the words of this song into my heart and mind, I knew without a doubt that God was telling me that I had to surrender all of me. Not just the good parts and not just the bad parts but everything - even the secret parts.

"For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil." Ecclesiastes 12:14

"Shall not God search this out? for he knoweth the secrets of the heart." Psalm 44:21

It isn't an easy process exposing those secret places to the Holy God but He knew already and simply desired I be open and honest with Him. It is in that surrendering of those hidden kingdoms that he has helped me to start the overcoming process. My prayer today is: "Who can understand his errors? Cleanse thou me from my secret faults." Psalm 19:21