Again

Romans 7:15-25 (The Message)

“I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

 17-20 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

 21-23 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

 24 I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

 25 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does.

Two winters ago, the fan in my car was going out and driving without heat in Michigan is a terrible idea. Changing the fan on my vehicle isn’t a huge deal but does involve getting under the dashboard, which entails being on the ground. I don’t know about you but I don’t relish lying or kneeling on the cold and wet ground in the winter. Because it was winter and I didn’t have the money to buy the fan, I prayed and asked God to let my fan work until the weather got better. He did just that. It continued to work so I did not change the fan. The next winter came and the fan quit working again and I once again prayed for God to fix it until spring. He did it again. The fan continued to work, except for a small hiccup in the fall so I once again did not change the fan. Once again winter came around and guess what I had not done. The fan remained unchanged but this time I didn’t ask God to fix the fan. Let me say, since the time that the fan first started acting up, God has blessed me tremendously. He has given me a job that more than doubled my income with the benefit of working remotely. So I had the money, the time and spent time last winter and this in warmer climate but the fan to this very day remains unchanged. The fan works sometimes but not always. The part is very easy to change and is well under $100 but is still unchanged. This winter I could not seem to bring myself to go to God about this problem because I knew that it was my fault that it remained unfixed. He had given me the time and resources that I needed in order to fix it but I failed to do so. I even told those around me how God had caused the fan to work the last two winters but I couldn’t ask Him again because He had done His part and I failed to do mine. I know that may sound silly but every word of it is true.

Spiritually this is where I find myself today, as I have so many times before. I find myself doing things, saying things, focusing on things that are not good. I find myself tripped up by the sin of pride, bitterness, slothfulness and self. Each day I determine that I will live a life that is devoted to prayer and service and each day I get distracted and fall WAY short. I repent and am truly sorry that I am once again in the same place that I have been so many times before. With every repentance my determination to do better and live holy is renewed but I almost feel resigned to being at this stage again and again. I am weary of falling short of what I know God is calling me to be. I am bone-tired of repenting of the same things over and over again. Each time I repent over the same mistakes, I wonder if there is any point to repenting because I can’t seem to overcome. I question whether my repentance is true because I keep coming back for the same thing. I could try to comfort myself and say that even Apostle Paul struggled with doing things that he knew wasn’t good or right. But that is little comfort and still doesn’t fix my issue of not living an overcoming life.

But then I look at what Paul did to overcome those temptations, poor choices and bad decisions. He turned to Jesus. Jesus is the only way that I too can overcome. His Spirit truly living within me will provide me the strength to say no to things that do not lead to everlasting life and to yield to things that bring life and glory to Him. Each time I start the day yielding to Him and obeying when He nudges me, my sensitivity to His will and mind will grow. When I lay aside my fleshly desires and allow my desires to match His, I will be able to overcome. Overcoming doesn’t just have to be a song that we sing or an emotion that we feel while at church but it truly can be a way of life. We truly can live above a life of sin and bondage. Regardless of where we are coming from, we can live a life that is a holy example of God’s grace and mercy.

Overcoming will not be the end of repentance. Not at all. Repentance should and will always need to be daily but it won’t be for the same failings, the same short-comings or the same bad choices. After completely yielding to His way and allowing the Holy Ghost to reign supreme in our life, repentance will be deeper and more meaningful.

So I want to encourage myself and anyone reading this that is struggling with repeated sinful decisions, repent again. This time when you repent, allow God to stir up His Spirit within you. Repent again and then start each day seeking His face and end each night thanking Him for grace and mercy. Then repent again. Never ever tire of repenting and bringing your failures and short-comings to a just and merciful God.