Voices

As my mind was sifting through conversations, sifting through my faith journal, sifting through what I believe, a particular incident that happened recently came to mind.  I was once again frustrated with the status quo and went to lay down to think things through.  As I lay there I had the thought of “just quit praying about it and move on” but my heart immediately and vehemently responded with “but what if this is the last prayer I have to pray before the answer comes?  What then?”   So it is this incident that took all of 20 seconds that inspired the prayer that I prayed which in turn inspired the below writing. 

My heart and mind is in conflict.  My mind says that nothing is changed nor will anything change in the future.  It tells me that I am frustrating myself for nothing because what was – will be.  My mind tells me to ask God to release me from these hopes and dreams of a future ministry and cause me to be satisfied with the status quo.  My mind longs to be released from believing for salvation/healing/revival, released from interceding, released from trying, released from speaking.  My mind just wants peace.  My mind wants to settle for “good enough.”  But my heart… oh, my heart says “good enough IS NOT good enough.”  My heart wants to take this next hill with fervor because my promise may be just on the other side.  My heart longs for me to hold on because today could be the day the answer comes.  My heart says to keep believing as all things could come to fruition next week, if I just don’t let go.  My heart tells me not to give up because through God all things are possible.  My heart has a clear vision of the future, if I just stay on course. 

As I am in this very human conflict, it comes down to which voice I let rule my life, my day or my moment?  Which voice do I allow to speak loudest?  Is it the voice of my mind that longs for logic and sanity over the walking by faith in darkness?  Or is it the voice of my heart that tells me to relax in God’s plan?

In this world there are an abundance of voices.  Voices on the radio.  Voices at work.  Voices at home. Voices at church. Voices at the store.  Voices on the phone.  There are voices everywhere including the voices of your mind, your heart, your soul, your conscience, your desires, your flesh and spirit.  Then we toss in the voices of the spirit world.  Voices from satan and his angels.  With all these voices coming at us, battling for our attention, we sometimes miss the voice of God.  We sometimes allow that still small voice to be overpowered by the other voices in our world.  Each day we make a decision about which voices we are going to allow to rule our day.  Each moment we make the choice of which voice will reign supreme – the loud voices of our world or the singular stillness of the voice of God.  I cannot be persuaded that God doesn’t speak to each of us, that God doesn’t direct each of our steps.  It isn’t a matter of being a certain level of holiness, or a certain level of Christian in order to have God speak to us.  Saul was a man who was fervently persecuting the followers of Christ.  Yet God spoke to him and guided his steps.  That lets me know that anyone that WANTS to hear from God, can.  Anyone that longs for God to guide his steps, can.  It is just a matter of which voice you will choose to hear.  Will you choose the voice of the one who died for you or will you choose the voices of your friends, therapists, or your own desires.   Which voice is speaking the loudest today?