Monday, July 25, 2011

Days of Frustration

There are some days, no matter how hard you try not to be, you are just frustrated.  Frustrated at yourself, frustrated at others, frustrated regarding situations.  That is where I find myself on this hazy Monday morning… frustrated.  My main frustration is that I feel tied/bound and unable to move forward.  It is like a bungee cord that keeps pulling me back into a place I don’t want to be.  Regardless of how hard I try to move forward, how fervent my desire, how passionate my response… I am stuck right here unable to progress, unable to move, unable to get a firm grasp of the next thing.  And the fact that I seem to have no control over this is a source of deep frustration.  I don’t think that I am unusual in my desire to be in control of my destiny, to be in control of my present and my future.  It is a very uncomfortable (and frustrating) place for me to not have a plan, to not have some sort of idea of what the future holds, to not be in control.  But every time that I go to God with my frustrations of not knowing, not being able to plan, not being in control… all I get is stand and trust.  “But God, it appears to be getting worse instead of getting better.  It seems that it is becoming more impossible than it already was (though I don’t see how that could be).  When are you going to step in?  When are you going to clue me in on MY future?”  He just says trust.  Though trusting God should be so easy because he has never failed us, never let us down, never abused or mistreated us, has never been disloyal… I still find it difficult to just stand and trustingly wait.  As I sit here annoyed, aggravated and just thoroughly frustrated, I know that my heart’s desire is to be in God’s perfect will.  I have told him that over and over and though I don’t understand how this frustrating place I find myself in could possibly be God’s perfect will… I just have to believe it is.  Though I see impossibilities and unfairness on every side of me, I just have to trust that the God that knows all my tomorrows also knows what is best today.  So I will attempt to once again rein in my frustration and trustingly and patiently wait on my Lord and Savior.

Psalms 37:1-9
1.       Fret not thyself because of evil doers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.
2.       For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
3.       Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4.       Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5.       Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
6.       And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
7.       Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him that prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.
8.       Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
9.       For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth.

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