Nonbelieving Belief

Have you ever been given good news and it seemed too good to be true.  In our society of criminals, con-men and tricksters, the adage of “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is (too good to be true).”  I think many times we allow this same thought process to get involved in our relationship with God.  He gives us, or tries to give us, blessings and/or promises but we have trouble believing that it could possibly be true.  Perhaps it is because we feel that we are too insignificant for God to bother with blessing us in such a way or maybe it is because we do not have an absolute belief in his absolute power.  Tuesday morning, I felt that God gave me a special word of blessings and promises but all day I have struggled with believing it to be true.  The first time I read the scriptures that he gave me, a deep sense of peace and anticipation came over me and with each subsequent reading it has only increased.  But once each reading is done and I start thinking about the connotations of the scriptures, a sense of disbelief comes over me.  There are things with which I have struggled my whole adult life and if the scriptures are to be believed then it seems the most difficult of those struggles will (soon hopefully) be over. Maybe the whole crux of it is that I just can’t imagine a life without struggle.  I am not indicating that God has promised me a euphoric existence; he just gave me a word regarding some of my hardest personal battles.  I do believe that God spoke to me through these scriptures so why can I not wrap my mind around the idea of it being fulfilled.  I know God to be a God of mercy and love; so why is it so hard to believe that he cares enough about ME to teach my children and stand up for my defense?  God is a God of grace, and I know that to be true, so is a promise from Him to show me kindness and peace so preposterous?  Sometimes I think we must just believe, even when it seems unbelievable.  I know that God spoke to me and gave me promises and hope.  Even though my humanity questions the logic and my insecurities question my worthiness, I will just believe that He did indeed speak to me and trust Him to fulfill that which He promised.