After experiencing a devastating loss and lingering heartache, I found myself searching for God's plan for my life. Before this loss, I had plans... good, godly and sound plans. I thought and dreamed of the ways that God would be able to use our lives and experience. I anticipated the thrill it would be to work side by side with my best friend for the kingdom of God. I had envisioned God utilizing our skills and understanding to be a help to some church. But that planned future was destroyed by my unexpected loss. As I talked with God about my heartache and the evaporation of my plans for my future, I realized that they were just that... MY plans. Though they were godly plans based on my desire to work in the kingdom, they didn't necessarily line up with God's perfect will for my life. So began the struggle of finding my place in the Kingdom of God. Without a doubt, I feel that God has placed a calling and ministry on me but what that calling is and what that ministry looks like... I do not know. As I have sought God's direction about this I have explained to Him that I have little to no skills, money or courage. Each day as I seek understanding about the direction he is leading me, he only shows me my next step. As I try to make goals for my life, he only reveals what I am supposed to do today. Unwilling to settle for just a glimpse of where God is taking me, I continued to plead my case for understanding of the calling, only to be anxious and frustrated some more. Some of the doors that God has opened up I do not even understand. The opportunities that He has placed in my path, I feel unqualified to accept. In fact, the very path I appear to be on, with His leading, is a path that I did not seek or expect. This path, these opportunities and the open doors still do not give me clarity to where God is leading me.
As I sit here at my desk pondering where I have come from and where I am going, I more fully realize that I do not need to take thought for tomorrow, for tomorrow will take thought for itself. I don't have to worry about what God's will is for next year, next month or even next week. The reason is because I only need to concern myself with being in God's will today. If each day I strive to be in the will of God, then next week, next month, next year... I will still be the will of God. I know this isn't rocket science but it did give me a certain peace and understanding. When I am willing and able to obey God's call today to minister to whichever soul God puts in my harvest field today then I am in His perfect will. Tomorrow, if I am willing to do that which he asks me to do then I will be in His perfect will. Yes, I would like to know where God is leading me. Yes, I would like to understand the calling and ministry that He is placing on my heart. But I do not need to know or to understand in order to obey Him today. No, I just need to listen and obey.
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