Job 8:7 ESV Though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great.

The other day I was putting the second truckload of bulk compost on my community garden plot. The first truckload I had used the community garden's wheelbarrow and was a bit scornful of how tiny the wheelbarrow was and how many trips I had to make between the truck and the plot. The second truckload that I picked up, I decided that I was going to take my large wheelbarrow from home and get it done quicker. The threat of rain in the forecast solidified my determination to haul as much as I could as fast as possible. 

I get to the plot and immediately set to work shoveling the compost out of the truck into my large wheelbarrow. Even though I already knew that it was large, I was still a little surprised at how heavy the load is as I start pushing it to my plot. I thought, "well, it is early in the morning once my coffee hits my blood stream it will be okay." I am 50-something but I must have forgotten that because each load seemed to get heavier and heavier. Even as the loads were getting heavier the skies were getting darker and the drizzle of rain started. After about 6-8 wheelbarrow loads in, I sat down on my stool I brought in complete exhaustion. Feelings of being overwhelmed and slightly panicked as I had borrowed the truck and did not know how I was going to get it emptied in order to return it. Then I remembered the small wheelbarrow. Even though I was worn out, overwhelmed and feeling every minute of my age I was still slightly scornful of this little wheelbarrow (which is probably the right size for a 50+ lady). But I knew that this was my only alternative to get a little more done because even though I wouldn’t be able to haul very big loads and it would be slower, at least I would get a little more done before the rain came. As I wheeled my first load I was surprised how light and easy it was to wheel to my plot. Filling it and dumping it was quick too. It wasn’t long until the job was done and my whole garden plot was covered and ready to be planted up. 

It was at that moment that God spoke to me about how he just wants us to make forward progress. Sometimes that forward progress is with quick joyful steps while carrying a large load but sometimes it is with small painful steps while carrying just a handful. Sometimes we are strong and fierce and make huge progress quickly but other times we are tired, overwhelmed, ill or weary and our progress isn't as much as we would like. During those times of small progress we judge ourselves harshly because we aren't doing ALL the things. We aren't hosting Bible studies numerous times a week, writing like we used to, knocking doors as often or having those 3-4 hour prayer sessions. We feel that the single Bible study is insufficient, our journaling not enough, fellowshipping with our neighbor as inadequate and the morning prayers to be too little. But God wants you to know that you should not discount the small things that you are able to do on the days you are weary or full of obligations. Those small things that you do makes huge impacts. Just as my garden plot was revitalized by the compost hauled in the small wheelbarrow, so will your neighbor be ministered to and encouraged by your fellowship, the small prayer breathed on the behalf of someone hurting is still heard by God. When all you can do are the small things, do the small things because there is rich, revitalizing value in those small things.

Zechariah 4:10 NLT Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin...

Loving Them Through It

 Several years back I went through a dark time of depression. A time of being barely able to function. I went to work, only because I needed to and then came home and either went to bed or plopped myself in front of the TV and stared at it aimlessly. I went through this for so many years that I think my friends and family were just "over it" and wanted me to suck it up and put on a happy face. It was 4-5 years of horrible isolation. My family's wordless exasperation at my inability to "get over it" only seem to feed my feelings of guilt at not being able to "get over it" to "suck it up" and caused me to have an almost paralysing fear at venturing out and seeking company. The judgment was too much to bear. When I did venture out, I still felt isolated because I had to fake being happy so that I didn't get the eye-rolling and the pity.  Mostly, I didn't venture out. I stay isolated within my four walls while living in fear of never getting better. Frightened that the next several decades of my life would be lived in mental/emotional isolation, if not in physical. 

Then something happened. I was getting an elephant ear at a food truck and a young man gave me a church card. After many months, God led me to visit this church. It was like no church I had visited before. These people of God loved me through it. There wasn't any judgment when I couldn't face people. There wasn't the comments of, "you shouldn't be missing church" (as if I didn't know that) or "where have you been" (as if I didn't feel guilty enough about not being able to get out of bed to show up). They just loved me. They let me cry when I needed to and to be involved to the extent that I was able. Slowly, (read VERY slowly) the fear lessened and the feeling of isolation started lifting. They had faith for me when I didn't. They believed and prayed for me when I felt to weak and fearful to believe and pray for myself. 

Now nothing has changed except everything. I am still alone a lot but not in isolation. I probably am alone more now than I was before but not because of fear, lonliness or feeling of overwhelming isolation. Now I am alone but active, busy and engaged. I have even got a plot at the community garden this year and look forward to visiting with and ministering to those in my community. Now when I am alone it isn't a matter of isolation but seclusion. Now I seclude myself for a bit of privacy, alone time with God and to rejuvinate so that I can become the one who loves others through it. 

And it all started with a visit. A young man visiting with me in line at an Elephant Ear stand and then a visit to a church. 

That is the way God works. After the crucifixion the disciples and followers of Christ had isolated themselves out of fear. They locked themselves into a room out of fear of being the next crucified. They didn't let anyone in without seeing who it was first. Then Jesus showed up and visited with them. He didn't even come through the door, he just showed up in the room. They even thought Him to be a ghost so he showed his hands/feet and even askef for and ate poached fish and honeycomb to prove to them that He was indeed Jesus. (Luke 24) After that visit with Jesus, the isolation that had the disciples bound changed. Now instead of fearful isolation, they were in the temple praising God. The only time they secluded themselves was while waiting on the visitation of the Holy Ghost.

If like me, you find yourself feeling isolated, fearful and alone. Push through a little and visit a church or at least a follower of Christ that will love you through it. If you only have the strength to whisper Jesus, then whisper it. If you try to pray and can only cry because your heart and mind is too overwhelmed and the words will not come, just cry. Don't give up! Don't allow fear to keep you from allowing God to visit you. Just keep seeking him, even if it isn't up to the standard that others think you should. Allow God to love and visit you.

If you are the church or the body of Christ and someone comes in with a whole shipful of baggage. Just love them through it. Are they missing church and ignoring your calls? Send them a hand-written note and love them through it. Are they making poor choices? Love them through it. Do not add to their baggage by judging them for missing. Do not cause them to give up because they aren't doing everything right. Do not criticize them or gossip about them because they can't seem to "suck it up" and "get over it." 

Just Love Them Through It!!

Again

Romans 7:15-25 (The Message)

“I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

 17-20 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

 21-23 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

 24 I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

 25 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does.

Two winters ago, the fan in my car was going out and driving without heat in Michigan is a terrible idea. Changing the fan on my vehicle isn’t a huge deal but does involve getting under the dashboard, which entails being on the ground. I don’t know about you but I don’t relish lying or kneeling on the cold and wet ground in the winter. Because it was winter and I didn’t have the money to buy the fan, I prayed and asked God to let my fan work until the weather got better. He did just that. It continued to work so I did not change the fan. The next winter came and the fan quit working again and I once again prayed for God to fix it until spring. He did it again. The fan continued to work, except for a small hiccup in the fall so I once again did not change the fan. Once again winter came around and guess what I had not done. The fan remained unchanged but this time I didn’t ask God to fix the fan. Let me say, since the time that the fan first started acting up, God has blessed me tremendously. He has given me a job that more than doubled my income with the benefit of working remotely. So I had the money, the time and spent time last winter and this in warmer climate but the fan to this very day remains unchanged. The fan works sometimes but not always. The part is very easy to change and is well under $100 but is still unchanged. This winter I could not seem to bring myself to go to God about this problem because I knew that it was my fault that it remained unfixed. He had given me the time and resources that I needed in order to fix it but I failed to do so. I even told those around me how God had caused the fan to work the last two winters but I couldn’t ask Him again because He had done His part and I failed to do mine. I know that may sound silly but every word of it is true.

Spiritually this is where I find myself today, as I have so many times before. I find myself doing things, saying things, focusing on things that are not good. I find myself tripped up by the sin of pride, bitterness, slothfulness and self. Each day I determine that I will live a life that is devoted to prayer and service and each day I get distracted and fall WAY short. I repent and am truly sorry that I am once again in the same place that I have been so many times before. With every repentance my determination to do better and live holy is renewed but I almost feel resigned to being at this stage again and again. I am weary of falling short of what I know God is calling me to be. I am bone-tired of repenting of the same things over and over again. Each time I repent over the same mistakes, I wonder if there is any point to repenting because I can’t seem to overcome. I question whether my repentance is true because I keep coming back for the same thing. I could try to comfort myself and say that even Apostle Paul struggled with doing things that he knew wasn’t good or right. But that is little comfort and still doesn’t fix my issue of not living an overcoming life.

But then I look at what Paul did to overcome those temptations, poor choices and bad decisions. He turned to Jesus. Jesus is the only way that I too can overcome. His Spirit truly living within me will provide me the strength to say no to things that do not lead to everlasting life and to yield to things that bring life and glory to Him. Each time I start the day yielding to Him and obeying when He nudges me, my sensitivity to His will and mind will grow. When I lay aside my fleshly desires and allow my desires to match His, I will be able to overcome. Overcoming doesn’t just have to be a song that we sing or an emotion that we feel while at church but it truly can be a way of life. We truly can live above a life of sin and bondage. Regardless of where we are coming from, we can live a life that is a holy example of God’s grace and mercy.

Overcoming will not be the end of repentance. Not at all. Repentance should and will always need to be daily but it won’t be for the same failings, the same short-comings or the same bad choices. After completely yielding to His way and allowing the Holy Ghost to reign supreme in our life, repentance will be deeper and more meaningful.

So I want to encourage myself and anyone reading this that is struggling with repeated sinful decisions, repent again. This time when you repent, allow God to stir up His Spirit within you. Repent again and then start each day seeking His face and end each night thanking Him for grace and mercy. Then repent again. Never ever tire of repenting and bringing your failures and short-comings to a just and merciful God.

What is on your foundation?

For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is. If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so by fire. I Corinthians 3:11-15

Yesterday during my Bible reading, this scripture stood out to me. (Bible reading is amazing, even though you are reading the same book over and over again, God's Word has a way of ministering a fresh word every time.) As I pondered the verses the sweet pain of conviction, sadness and regret filled my soul. I was given the privilege of being born into an amazing heritage. My grandparents passed on the blessings and example of an intimate walk with God. My grandmothers were very steadfast in the Faith and prayed for each of us more times than I can count I am sure. My grandfather and uncles built churches that have impacted thousands and many decades after their death is still making a mark. Their foundation, like mine, was Jesus Christ. The foundation of Christ is sure and will not be shifted by the trends or modern ways of thinking. Regardless of how the winds blow or the storms come, God is ever faithful and sure. It is what we have built on top of that foundation that makes the difference. My grandparents built a sure work made of gold, silver, and precious stones. The fires of time have a way of refining their work, rather than destroying it. Even today, decades after the passing of my grandfather, there are people coming to God in the churches that he planted. My parents, in their 80's, are still adding precious stones and beams of gold to their life's work in God's kingdom. In ten or twenty years, the young people and children that they pick up for church today will pass that heritage on to their children and my parent's work in the kingdom will continue to grow. Yes, fires of discouragement and trials may come but it will only prove to burn off the chaffe of their work for God's kingdom but not detract from the beauty of their walk with God.

That brings me to what I have built of the foundation that God has blessed me with - that sure foundation that is faithful and true. Well, the Bible says that every man's work will be manifest for what it is. If it is of hay or stubble then the fires of trials and despair will prove it to be of little worth. Sure, I have a couple beams of silver and perhaps a few precious stones standing on my foundation but the walls that protect me from the storms were made of stubble rather than real faith. My walls of positivity cannot take the fires of job loss, death or depression only a true faith in God can withstand those fires. Pleading urgent prayers only when I feel overwhelmed cannot take the heat like the precious stones of daily intercessory prayer. Having faith in the good times doesn't stand a chance during the storms like simply believing that He is faithful all the time. Busyness for the kingdom is good but doesn't necessarily have the longevity of prayerfully intervening for the kingdom.

So here I stand with the fires of trials and the winds of spiritual storms having left my foundation bare of everything but that which is precious. It is now up to me what I will build on this very stable foundation. Will I spend the remainder of my life interceding, working and allowing Jesus Christ to shine brightly through me or will I continue to add short-term desperate faith that gets burnt up with the first flush of hardship. Will my grandchildren and great-grandchildren hear from others how they are followers of Christ because of what I built today? Will I add to the beautiful spiritual structure that my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles have built that draws people to God or will I continue to regret my poor choices when my work is manifest by fire.

The Consistent Witness

"Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savor; so doth a little folly him that in reputation for wisdom and honor." Ecclesiastes 10:1

Have you ever wondered how your harvest field views your walk with God? Do you think they see you as consistent and faithful? Would your harvest field see that you have grown closer to God or farther away? Do you think your witness is just as sweet and healing as it was last week or last year or five years ago? Or do you think they find you changeable? Does your harvest field come to you for wisdom and direction in their walk with God or with only jokes and light-hearted matters?

For quite some time I have been going through a very hard time physically, emotionally and thereby spiritually. There were times I felt so broken, abandoned, depressed, anxious and betrayed that my faith was just a glimmer. It was all I could do to get up in the morning, get to work and cope with the necessities of life. I didn't want to talk with anyone. I didn't want to be nice. I didn't want to care about my co-workers' problems or concerns because, after all, I had my own. There were times I was so low that I just wanted to shut the door on the world until life got better, until I was healed, until I was strong again. But as a follower of Christ, that wasn't what I was called to do. Jesus didn't give me salvation and His Spirit to hide it from those that needed to see Him through me. It seemed to never fail on those days that life was at it's most difficult that God would open my eyes and I would see the hurting, the seeking, the need for a savior. More days than not, God had to remind me that my harvest field is judging my witness and though I am going through a prolonged trial my witness must not waiver. Just because times may be difficult does not change God's goodness or grace so I must consistently display that goodness and grace to my harvest field. Your harvest field isn't judging you for having a difficult time or a trial but they will notice HOW you go through it. When life is tough do you pick up a vice rather than prayer? When someone hurts or betrays you, do you pull away from God or draw closer to him? Do you change your convictions or beliefs on a regular basis based on who you are with, what day of the week it is or where you go to church? Is the light of Jesus shining brightly through your life or does it flicker and blink like a shorting out light bulb?

My prayer and desire is to be a consistent witness and to be identified as an ardent follower of Christ and growing ever closer to him.

Exchanging My Burden for God's Yoke

Have you ever noticed that a heavy load seems to draw your focus more strongly than a beautiful scenery? A sad event draws your concentration more fully and for longer than a joyful happening. It seems that in this life grief lasts longer and is deeper than happiness. I am not sure why this happens but I know that this has plagued me for several years now. Perhaps it is because of an empty nest, or because of the change of life, or because of a medical issue but lately I have not been finding much joy in my journey. It seems that my journey is instead filled with sadness, frustration, paralyzing depression, fear and anxiety. This is not something I have chosen nor do I wish to stay in this state but all my efforts to be free of this has been in vain. I have not been able to volunteer nor socialize my way out of this darkness. Medication has helped but only to an extent of being able to cope and function with the darkness. Sure I can find humor in the silly and laugh at that puniest of jokes but underneath the laughter and smile is a deep sadness.  I can be friendly and kind but I don't really engage and can't seem to build a true friendship/relationship. I dislike the way that I feel and I have prayed for healing and balance but it hasn't yet come. 

Last evening as I was driving through my hometown for my 2nd job, I was struck by the sadness and despair that runs rampant through some neighborhoods in my hometown (and I am sure that this is true for your hometown too). I started praying for the communities that I was driving through and asking God to bring hope, healing, opportunities and revival to these neighborhoods. As I was praying I was struck by the irony of someone who is in a very dark place praying for light for those around me and I felt like God was telling me that this exact burden would be my way out of the darkness. 

Isaiah speaks of how we fast and pray yet we do not see the hand of God move. Verse 3 says, "Wherefore have we fasted, say they, and thou seest not? wherefore have we afflicted our soul, and thou takest no knowledge?" Our whole concentration is usually on what we are missing, what we have laid aside and what trials we are surrounded with. We hold tight to the scriptures that promise us no burdens or at least very light burdens. We like to quote, "Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." or "Cast all your care on him; for he careth for you" I think we get so tied up in our own burdens, our own trials, our own short-comings and how we want God to help us to live burden-free and care-free that we fail to see or take on His burdens and His cares. 

In verses 6 &7 he says, "Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?" As I was driving I felt like God was telling me to take my concentration off of MY darkness and instead be burdened for and prayerfully concentrate on the neighborhoods in my hometown that are filled with darkness and despair. When I lift my neighbor in prayer and lift the burdens of the least among us is when God will answer when I cry. Verse 8 says, "Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy reward." The answer to my deliverance (and yours) from the darkness is tied closely with prayerfully lifting others out of their darkness and taking on God's burden for our world. 

Fruits of the Spirit - Goodness

I don’t know about the rest of you but I find that I am easily distracted electronically. A few weeks ago I was reading up on some ways to study the Bible, ways to get a deeper understanding of the Word rather than just reading it and hoping that something would absorb into my mind and I came across verse mapping. In the course of reading up on verse mapping and reading numerous blogs and clicking links to other blogs and other articles. Pretty soon I found myself reading a blog article about productivity. As my extended time of being distracted online shows, I desperately need to be more productive. More times than I care to admit, I find myself distracted and all my good intentions of getting things done go out the window so I read the article and it referenced a book called Do More Better. The first part of this book speaks of our purpose as a Christian and God used it to remind me and motivate me to find and have a purpose in my productivity. It spoke of the purpose of the Christian after salvation is to do good and to bring God glory. As I thought about the reason I do things and reason I read and study the Word and the reason I come to church, I found that it was all about me. It is about my struggles, my emotions, my salvation, my disappointments and about my victories. I find that my walk with God is very internal and very self-critical. I find myself studying to be encouraged in the Word but not necessarily for the sharing and ministering to the hurting around me. When it comes time for altar call, I find myself absorbed into my own inabilities and my own insecurities that I do not feel comfortable praying with and ministering to those that are going through struggles or dealing with heart-ache, pain or even addiction.  While reading this book I found myself realizing that as a Christian I was not fulfilling my purpose. God had given me the Holy Ghost, and an understanding of the Word, talents, skills and abilities and I was using them for my own self, to encourage myself, to strengthen myself, and that isn’t what God called us to do. God has called us to do good, not just for the sake of doing good but to bring Him Glory. The Bible says in Matthew 12:33, Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit and in Luke 6:44 For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes. So if I truly want to be a Christian, a follower of Christ and claim to walk in the spirit, then my fruits should match up to the fruits of the spirit which are not self-centered or self-indulgent.

So what does goodness look like? Does it look the same on everyone? Is everyone’s fruit of goodness identical? I don’t think so we are each in different seasons of life. The season that I am in as a single, empty-nester, is going to look different than a mom with three school aged children or a couple with 4 little ones or even a wife who has a husband in the ministry.  I think of the couple with 4 toddler boys at home and their goodness will look a lot like raising the boys, caring for their needs and teaching them to love God and have compassion for others. The minister's wife's goodness may look a lot like, caring for the ladies ministry of our church and of the state, giving herself to prayer and being available to encourage and minister to the hurting in our community as well as giving respite care to her children. For each of us, our goodness will look different but it should still be identifiable by those around us and will give God glory. I have to ask myself, what does my goodness look like from the perspective of those around me? Are people able to identify me as a follower of Christ? Do I display compassion, love and moderation or am I given to intolerance, impatience or extreme behavior? Can my co-workers identify me as a Woman of God by my actions and attitudes, rather than just my dress? Do I communicate with God often enough that he is able to open my eyes to the needs and the pain around me so that I can bring peace and joy to those whose lives are in turmoil? Our goodness should shine like a beacon in the world, to those outside of these walls but it should also be demonstrated amongst us, the body of Christ. In John 13:35 Jesus said that we are known to be his followers when we have love for one another. I must admit, I like my own company and like being home but am I demonstrating goodness and bringing God glory by not interacting with those around me? Am I letting my goodness shine when I come to church and go home and don’t look seek to encourage our young people who predominately come from broken or dysfunctional homes? Can I send a note to someone and encourage them and show the love that Jesus spoke of? Instead of just praying for my and my loved ones needs, shouldn't I also include those that are hurting in our church, our community and even in the world. I believe that in demonstrating goodness to those around us, whether it be our children or the addict that walks in our church or the co-worker that is going though a hard time, we can save a soul. Through goodness, we will draw people to Christ and bring Him glory. When we allow God to be our shepherd and follow him then goodness and mercy will naturally follow.